Here’s what we’re thinking when he’s getting to work down there…
1. Oh right OK, no build up, you’re just going to lunge straight in.
2. WHEN DID I LAST HAVE A SHOWER?! What if I smell?
3. And I bet I’ve definitely got a stray bum pube I missed with the razor last night, FFS.
4. What if he thinks my ingrown hairs are genital warts?
5. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate.
6. Hang on, is that a water mark on the ceiling? Is there a leak? OMG there must be a leak. We must definitely call a plumber.
7. No wait, remember what you’re doing, enjoy this, it only happens pretty much NEVER.
8. I wonder if this is what a dog’s water bowl feels like?
9. OK, why does he think a casual finger pumping pairs well with gentle tongue action?
10. And now he’s pressing me like a panic button. Dear lord make him stop.
11. Should I give his head a little reassuring stroke for encouragement?
12. OH HELLO. WHAT IN THE SWEET NAME WAS THAT MOVE?!
13. I’m so glad I’m not a squirter. Imagine if he had some odd bodily fluid come shooting towards his face.
14. Oh wait.
15. He’s poking his tongue suspiciously near by bum. Am I OK with that? I’m going to go with no.
16. Oh OK, we’re all good. He’s back to rubbing me as if he’s sand-papering a wall.
17. I’m definitely going to have to give him a blow job after this aren’t I?
18. I wish he’d stop stroking my thigh stretch marks, they’re not baby kittens.
19. I *think* I just felt an orgasm brewing, EXTRA CONCENTRATE MORE THAN YOU DO FOR THE X FACTOR LIVE SHOWS. YOU CAN DO THIS.
20. I hope he doesn’t expect a kiss after this.
21. Oh, he’s puckered up and lunging at me. Good.