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Here’s what we’re thinking when he’s getting to work down there…

1. Oh right OK, no build up, you’re just going to lunge straight in.

2. WHEN DID I LAST HAVE A SHOWER?! What if I smell?

3. And I bet I’ve definitely got a stray bum pube I missed with the razor last night, FFS.

4. What if he thinks my ingrown hairs are genital warts?

5. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate. Relax. Concentrate.

6. Hang on, is that a water mark on the ceiling? Is there a leak? OMG there must be a leak. We must definitely call a plumber.

7. No wait, remember what you’re doing, enjoy this, it only happens pretty much NEVER.

8. I wonder if this is what a dog’s water bowl feels like?

9. OK, why does he think a casual finger pumping pairs well with gentle tongue action?

10. And now he’s pressing me like a panic button. Dear lord make him stop.

11. Should I give his head a little reassuring stroke for encouragement?

12. OH HELLO. WHAT IN THE SWEET NAME WAS THAT MOVE?!

13. I’m so glad I’m not a squirter. Imagine if he had some odd bodily fluid come shooting towards his face.

14. Oh wait.

15. He’s poking his tongue suspiciously near by bum. Am I OK with that? I’m going to go with no.

16. Oh OK, we’re all good. He’s back to rubbing me as if he’s sand-papering a wall.

17. I’m definitely going to have to give him a blow job after this aren’t I?

18. I wish he’d stop stroking my thigh stretch marks, they’re not baby kittens.

19. I *think* I just felt an orgasm brewing, EXTRA CONCENTRATE MORE THAN YOU DO FOR THE X FACTOR LIVE SHOWS. YOU CAN DO THIS.

20. I hope he doesn’t expect a kiss after this.

21. Oh, he’s puckered up and lunging at me. Good.

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